On the Rise
By RW
On the rise,
Heat intensify,
A life that goes by,
Eyes that long to cry,
A love that lurks a pain that grows inside,
A mental that don’t forget
Erase the past for a future that don’t exist,
On the rise,
Trading the truth for lies,
A ghost that’s not seen or heard,
Not one worrd
Gone in the wind,
Give you chills,
You feel the breeze,
Somebody rescue me,
On the rise,
Water that moves rocks,
An ocean with no waves,
Gray clouds with no rain
A smile that breeds pain.
12 Comments
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RW,
I like the use of second-person narrative where you speak to your readers to help them feel immersed in the story.
KW,
Your powerful writing is filled with emotion and strong imagery. This poem breaks my heart. You have the gift of making the reader feel. I hope you find answers. Please keep writing. Your work needs to be heard. I look forward to reading more of it.
The lines about missing things from those things that are supposed to be whole was so impactful.
“An ocean with no waves.”
“A ghost that’s not seen or heard.”
Beautiful. Thanks for your words.
RW, your poem unfolds the themes of internal conflict and emotional struggle through vivid imagery. The repetition of “On the rise” shows the feeling of urgency, as if the person is grappling with unresolved issues. Overall, this poem evokes a sense of unease, leaving the readers to contemplate the hidden depths of human experience.
I resonated a lot with this poem as someone who also deals with a lot of inner turmoil. It captured the essence of internal conflict and the need for resolution. Thank you for your words.
Overall, I believe the text paints a vivid picture of inner turmoil and the search for meaning amidst adversity.
This poem unlocked so many emotions for me. I wouldn’t classify myself as sensitive, but this hit deep. Love, pain, regret, intensity, longing, despair, every line of this poem hit a different nerve. Beautifully written, deep message.
Firstly, I appreciate your ambiguous writing style. It led me into thinking deeply about my own life. I thoroughly resonated with the lines;
A mental that don’t forget
Erase the past for a future that don’t exist
I interpreted it’s meaning as the conflict between “A mental” that does not forget and the desire to erase a past that was in relation to a future life (or version of yourself) that you are no longer pursuing. This also then touches on perceptions of reality and accepting change.
Overall, you’ve done a terrific job in expressing your ideas in a poetic manner, thank you.
RW: Wonderful job. I deeply resonate with the lines; A mental that don’t forget/Erase the past for a future that don’t exist. Personally, I interpreted these lines as the internal toil of trying to forget the past of something you no longer want to pursue or be anymore while struggling to mentally let go of the memories. Thank you for your insight.
I love the way that you chose to write this poem, I think it displays grand imagery and is very beautifully written. Almost every line described a different emotion, position, and story, and I was hooked. “Erase the past for a future that don’t exist”, “A ghost that’s not seen or heard”, were two lines that really stuck out to me. The second line especially had me picturing what was written, and I enjoyed every moment I spent trying to depict each line of this poem. In addition, I loved how you wrote this poem in a 2nd person POV because it will keep your readers immersed and visualizing every aspect, such as myself. I can then put myself in that position as if I was personally there. I believe you have a true talent for writing, and if this is what you’re passionate about, don’t stop! I’m excited to see more.
Hi! This poem seems to convey a sense of inner turmoil and emotional struggle. The imagery of heat, longing, pain, and the desire for rescue creates a vivid portrayal of your state of mind. The repetition of “On the rise” throughout the poem suggests a feeling of ascent or escalation, possibly reflecting the intensifying emotional turmoil or challenges faced.
The juxtaposition of trading truth for lies and a smile that breeds pain highlights the internal conflict and the difficulty in finding authenticity or solace. The references to water that moves rocks, an ocean with no waves, and gray clouds with no rain evoke a feeling of stagnation and unfulfilled potential, mirroring the emotional landscape described in the poem.
The plea for rescue and the unspoken words convey a profound sense of longing and isolation. Overall, the poem paints a powerful picture of emotional struggle, unresolved pain, and the desire for relief or release.
Beautiful poem. I love the use of rhyming, it makes the rhythm flow nicely and adds to the cohesiveness of the entire poem. This poem envokes many emotions in the reader, it makes it feel very personal and intentional, as if we are seeing a vulnerable side of the author, a side many other people can relate to.