Life with Poetry
By RVB
Your life is the story that I have been looking for,
that voice and vision in which makes me see you in me.
Day after day, year after year
dying to be free, and then you appear
so beautifully expressing the meaning
of divine unity.
Alphabets merging together
to reveal what it meant to be one with creation,
articulating a humanity with a purpose
to love without meets or bounds.
Finally feeling like I’m part of the tree,
from the roots,
branches and leaves,
yes, a breath of fresh air immaterial society.
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RVB: Beautiful words. I appreciate your simple yet articulate descriptions on the meaning of poetry. I also like your description of “feeling like I’m part of the tree”, you are truly a part in the immaterial society. Thank you for your alphabets that merged together.
This poem has raw emotions, and it is very well written.
Hi! This poem is gorgeous. My feedback is just some suggestions, please don’t feel the need to change anything. It’s great as it is! I like to analyze verse by verse, so apologies if this is a long message.
The first stanza reads: “Your life is the story that I have been looking for, / that voice and vision in which makes me see you in me.” Immediately, I noticed that this poem is in first person and the speaker addresses someone else (“you”). From my point of view, I interpret these lines as the speaker is excited that this “you” has a life that the speaker wants or has been searching for, and the speaker can relate or connect with this “you.” I like the use of the words “voice” and “vision,” and the choice of diction with “vision” and “see” in the same line. It’s very complimentary.
The second stanza has a great rhythm: “Day after day, year after year / dying to be free, and then you appear.” Don’t change a thing. I like the parallel structure of “Day after day, year after year” and it’s a good use of repetition. The next two lines: “so beautifully expressing the meaning / of divine unity.” describe the “you” in the poem. To me, the phrase “divine unity” makes me think of the idea of the oneness of God or simply the divine (heavenly, angels, etc.), and comparing the “you” to the divine unity or the divine is very touching. I do wonder what the phrase “you appear” means. It makes me wonder how the speaker meets “you.”
The third stanza is cleverly written: “Alphabets merging together / to reveal what it meant to be one with creation, / articulating a humanity with a purpose.” The choice of diction with “alphabets,” “creation,” and “articulating” where each word is in a different line creates an extended metaphor of writing and creating. I like that the word “creation” can have a double meaning: the creation of words and sentences, and the story of creation that connects back to the theme of the divine (“one with creation”). The final line of this stanza: “to love without meets or bounds” is perfectly said, but I wonder what would happen if you added another word that connects the extended metaphor of writing and creating.
The last stanza states: “Finally feeling like I’m part of the tree, / from the roots, / branches and leaves.” I like the alliteration of “Finally feeling” and I believe that “the tree” refers to “The Tree of Life,” and perhaps it can refer back to the “you.” I also appreciate the chronological order with the phrase “the roots, / branches and leaves.” The roots represent the beginning and the branches and the leaves represent the end, final stages, or even the continued growth of the plant. I think it would be fun to play around with the rhythm and structure of the line “branches and leaves.” What would happen if it’s written as “to the branches and the leaves” or “to the branches to the leaves?” Then instead of having a comma after “leaves,” it’s a period or a semi-colon. Then “yes” can be capitalized and feel more like an answer or a sigh of relief.
The final line: “yes, a breath of fresh air immaterial society.” I like the phrase “immaterial society” and how it’s after “a breath of fresh air,” it’s a nice juxtaposition and causes the reader to reread the final line. I’m curious as to the reason why there isn’t a use of punctuation between “air” and “immaterial” or a preposition like “in.” I also noticed that the “you” disappears after the first two stanzas. I wonder if this was intentional. I also think it would be interesting to continue the motif of the divine in the last stanza to link it to the previous stanzas.
When I first read this poem, I thought that the first stanza did not connect with the last stanza, but after rereading it and analyzing it in-depth, I realized that it does. I think that the “you” has the “breath of fresh air” and is in an “immaterial society” that the speaker wishes to be a part of.
I truly enjoyed reading your work. I hope you find my comments useful or interesting, and please keep writing! Thank you so much for sharing your work.
It’s beautiful that writing is a escape and a blooming garden. Life is not over for you, it is not over for anyone until it is time. Keep writing what you dream and those dreams can become reality. God bless you and have faith.
So beautiful! I love the nature imagery. I’ve never experienced love like this, but by the way you write, I really want to! The way you mention alphabets merging together, it makes me think of two people writing their own story together. Truly a lovely read.
The poem creates a striking image of oneness and connection, with the speaker finding great meaning in the experiences of another. The poem masterfully illustrates our interconnectedness with the environment around us with its metaphor of being a part of a tree and its imagery of combining alphabets. It implies that every person’s journey is not singular, but rather entwined with others and adding to the greater fabric of existence. The expression of divine unity and the goal of unrestricted love for humanity serve to further support this idea of unity.
Your poetry masterfully captures the speaker’s path of self-discovery and interconnectivity, wherein she finds comfort and resonance in the life narrative of another. A sense of harmony and oneness with the universe is evoked by the picture of alphabets blending together and becoming one with creation. A strong sense of integration and belonging within society is conveyed by the metaphor of feeling like a part of a tree, deeply anchored and connected to all its aspects.
I love the way you use the passage of time to convey the depth of emotion you’re feeling. The mentions of the alphabet makes your feelings visible and of trees makes them tangible. The poem itself is written incredibly well – it has great flow and and a unique rhyme scheme that keeps the reader engaged. Keep up the amazing work.
I absolutely loved this poem! You used such unique ways to describe the person you’ve written about and the imagery is unbelievably vivid. The interconnectedness is understandable and invokes so many feelings of warmth and unity. The progression of the poem is really well done, it feels as if you’re reading a book. The last verse ties everything up so well, with the metaphors all fitting together and making the reader feel as if they’re the ones feeling this. I really liked it.
I loved how you express life and compared it to the life and growth of trees that’s very impactful keep writing
If it weren’t for the title, I would have thought this was a love poem about falling in love with another human. And maybe it is, I wouldn’t know for sure. But your love for poetry, and the way you express your emotions in so little words, is so remarkable. You have a gift for sharing rich and profound imagery that allows the reader to delve deeper into the human experience, YOUR human experience. Each word you chose carries weight and significance, which paints pictures that linger long after the poem has been read. You express a deep knowledge of the interconnectedness of all things in the world. And your pursuit of freedom through your art and poetry is admirable.
If I were to help you with one thing in your poem, I would tell you to focus on your pacing. The reader isn’t going anywhere, so tell your story. You are extremely talented, and more people deserve to see your work.
I’ve read your poem a few times in a row. It shook me, hooked me in all the best ways possible. True living really is like a breath of fresh air, being one purposefully with creation and loving limitlessly. Thank you for the gift of your art. I thoroughly enjoyed it!
Dear RVB,
This poem was so moving to me because it echoes the way I feel about reading and writing. There is a deep connection to be found in accessing the ability to express yourself through poetry and being able to exchange your inner thoughts with those of others. I think we can become so caught up in the material nature of our society that we forget the meaning and importance of forming deeper connections. There is a wholeness and inter-belonging we all have below the surface, that can be accessed when we learn how to communicate through writing. You’ve expressed this beautifully in this work and it resonates with me greatly. I appreciate your ability to put this important concept into such a meaningful poem.
I love the creativity you are using in personifying poetry itself and writing a love poem to it. I’m so glad that you have found this outlet, and that you find it to be so freeing. There is so much power in our words. Awesome job!
RVB, this is a great peom! I enjoyed the metaphor of the tree that was actually you “breathing in immaterial society.” The message that the meaning of divine unity contains humanity is beautiful and carries a lovely message. Additionally, this ties into the first part of your poem where you discuss “my life,” which contributes to the overall theme of unity in the poem.
This is a beautiful and heartfelt poem. Your powerful words help capture a sense of unity and the profound connection we share with each other and nature. I really liked the imagery of merging alphabets and being part of the tree—it speaks volumes about finding purpose and belonging. Thank you for sharing such a meaningful piece!