Poems

 

Slowly Fading Away

 

I feel like I’m slowly fading

Like smoke into thin air

In constant search of a caring soul

But no one really cares

It’s rare to find a genuine heart, truly sincere and kind

Expecially when you end up in a predicament like mine

Snatched away from society at a very young age

With no guidance and no structure, I was living in a haze

But the past is done and gone and my future seems bleak

I’m slowly fading away

Like a drunk when he drinks

I think this life is worth living

Sometimes it’s hard to tell

It’s like I was born into Satan’s hands, then cast into hell

My potential is at a peak, where I’m beginning to see

But twenty years from now, who knows where I’ll be

Still locked in a cell where my potential and worth is a “was”—a thing of the past

So vast my dreams and goals, things I aspire to achieve

It’s a daily struggle for me to continue to believe

To believe that I could actually be more than a thug

To believe that a woman still wants to give me a kiss with her love

Still wants to see me smile and tell me I’m so cute

To see that I’ve blossomed into a wonderful man

Though I didn’t have rich roots

Locked away like this, everyone seems to forget

I’m slowly fading away

Into a bottomless pit

Out of sight, out of mind, damn it’s a shame

Sometimes I wonder if certain people even remember my name

In a predicament like this you become very aware

Before, ignorance was bliss and you don’t know to be scared

I feel like I have so much to offer

But am I really even here?

Time waits for no one, and no one sees my tears

I’m ripe and ready for whatever

I’m 21 years young

Sometimes my soul feels 80, like it’s almost done

I’m slowly fading away

Into a mist of confusion

Constantly wondering if my life is just an illusion



Spoken But Not Heard

 

From the pallid walls my voice emanates, it elucidates our struggle

It depicts frustration and rage from when our voices were muffled

When no one listened or cared, feelings never were spared, so hearts

resembled prunes. Violence ensued leaving too many cold and blue.

Blood red tears cascaded down the cheeks of momma’s face,

she cried as she consoled her baby with her last loving embrace.

Spoken but not heard!

Our cry for help rejected, learning facilities neglected, hearts dejected

by circumstance, nobody saw our anger. Danger followed,

murder hollowed bodies because they failed to listen.

Intentions misunderstood due to malignant intuition.

Sentences issued, toy soldiers locked away to decay from inside out, doubt

filled our world without drought. Certainty never came.

Red rain beating the roof of a house where hurt and pain resides.

Memorials raised, pictures depicting fertile thoughts that strayed,

then died. All we ever heard from the public was why. Debating facts

and fantasy as our world collides.

Spoken but not heard.

Victorious

I’m sittin’ here chillin, thinkin’

about the past. All the stuff I’ve been

through, some thought I wouldn’t last.

I’m still standing, I’ve overcome

many obstacles, I see

success and I smell it all in my nostrils.

It’s mandated, this thing is

like non-optional, something to push

against when these haters insist on knockin’

you! Aggressively pressin’ forward you

can’t ignore it, finessin’ you lyrically 

can’t help but support it. I’m in

a lane of my own and I can’t be

topped. I’m standin’ firm like a pillar

and yes I’m as strong as an ox.

So versatile that I can’t be stuffed in a box.

My views are universal, no longer

left in the dark. Can’t be afraid or timid,

gotta be sure, keep raisin’ the bar

because I know I’m deserving of more.

I’ma keep on knockin’ until they open

the door and see what’s arrived

watch their chins drop to the floor.

Yeah, I made it, endured what you could bring.

I’m tested and tried so give me my champion’s ring.

I dare to dream so I see the best

is yet to come. I’m about to rise,

and shine, just like the sun. Never been

one to run from a battle, I hold it down.

Toe to toe, blow for blow and round

for found. Divinely inspired I’m destined

for greatness indeed. If you can’t

seem to find the way, just follow my lead.

I’m on top, give me my props,

and home stand down. In case you don’t

notice partner, I’m the man now.



My Son

-Dedicated to my son who is 1-

 

Deshawn is like the sun in the sky

He brightens my day with a blink of his eye

Deshawn is like the brightest star

He shines a lot, you can see him from afar

I love Deshawn and he loves me too

When I go home he’ll make me new.

Weight

Weight under my eyes
because I want to cry.
Weight on my hands
because I’m trying to push people to do good.
Weight on my head
because I’m learning so much.
It’s like I’m getting fed on Thanksgiving’s weight.
So much weight –
I don’t want to go back
I want to go straight.



A Dropped Call?

 

Never one to jump to conclusions

I’m always willing to give a person the benefit of the doubt

Maybe they accidentally hung up

Perhaps their finger accidentally brushed up against the wrong button…

Yeah, that’s probably what happened

I’ll try again

Ring…ring…ring

Answering machine

Well damn, I know I’m not lunchin’

I just heard them answer the phone a minute ago when I called

I’ll try one more time

Ring…answering machine

Doesn’t get any clearer than that, oh well.

Wonder what’s for chow tonight?

Only if it were actually that simple

That would be great

But in reality, the rest of my day is defined by a storm of confusion

All of my doubts, fears and anxieties whirling around in my head

Like tree branches and back yard garbage cans in a hurricane

That big, bluish-black monster named Depression

Begins to creep and stalk me like a vulture in the desert

I’m fully aware of his big ugly presence

He’s as cold as ice

And the closer he gets, the more depleted I feel

I try to fight him, but I’m totally disarmed

And he continues to consume me whole, slowly but surely

All of a sudden, I feel exhausted and I have to lay down to sleep

I awake in the calm of my storm

Rain letting up, clouds clearing out, and the sun shining through

I bounce back

Because I have to

Never will I lose sight of the primary objective

Make it home in one piece with a sound mind

I will soldier through any and every situation prison throws at me

And come out of here better than I came in

I just can’t help but wonder

Was it a dropped call?

Then again, I know better



Encouragement

 

I know it’s hard to prevail in some difficult times.

So I write to encourage you – whoever – not to lose your mind.

Situations can be different but never let them break you.

I’m in jail locked down all day but still I write.

Firm I am and my mind fixed tight.

A thing about this situation – never let the cell break you!

Keep you head up like a nose bleed in every situation.

Always know you will make it – your spirit don’t let no one take it.

This poem may not encourage all but I hope some.

Your life is never over until God say it’s done.

Remember every battle you may not win, but know the war has just begun!

 

 

Quien no Sabe?

Quien no sabe que la tierra pesa?
Quien no sabe que el fuego quema?
Todos saben que hay cosas que lastiman
Pero hay quienes les conocen que el encierro
Es un sufrimiento del que no se puede escapar,
Hay quienes no saben lo que es reír por no llorar
Hay muchos que desconocen el sufrimiento

Nadie sabe lo que es sufrir
Hasta que la experiencia les toca vivir

Quien no sabe que la tierra pesa?
Quien no sabe que el fuego quema?
El ser un sobreviviente del encierro basta
Para ser un testigo del sufrimiento
Basta la experiencia para ver que hasta que no has estado presente
No conoces lo que es sufrir
Puedes escuchar historias, leer artículos, imaginar,
Tratar de estar en los zapatos de el que ha sufrido
No es lo mismo
La experiencia lo cambia todo

Who Does Not Know?

Who does not know that earth is heavy?
Who does not know that fire burns?
Everyone knows that there are some things that hurt
But there are some that know that imprisonment
Is a suffering one can not escape
There are some that know what it is to laugh so you don’t cry
There are many who are unaware of suffering

No one knows what suffering is
Until they live the experience

Who does not know that earth is heavy?
Who does not know that fire burns?
Surviving imprisonment is enough
To make you a witness to suffering
Enough experience to see that until you have not been present
You don’t know what it means to suffer
You can listen to stories, read articles, imagine,
Try to be in the shoes of one who has suffered
It’s not the same
Experience changes everything

Too Young

 

Too young to be over DC Jail

But you can’t be afraid

So to stay out of trouble you watch TV and play spades

You try to be cool and protect your space

Because you don’t want to get in a fight and get maced

Too young to smoke

But you are never too young to hope

If There Were More…

If there were more things for the children to do in the community,
it would decrease murder, drug dealing from the youth.
Put recreational centers for them.
When the kids growing up and see people on the corner
with money and cars, shooting every night
they are going to like it
and want to become a fast money getter.

Look at it in a different way.
We are not raised this way
but people think children don’t see anything
but we see it all
then we become a victim of the system.

It took for me to come to jail to want something in life.
I want to be a firefighter or an architect.
But if there were more things for me to do in my neighborhood
I would not be here.
If there were more things for us children to do…

Instead of waiting, let’s take action and help the children,
so they can become successful and not disrespectful.

If there were more…

Redemption

Redemption

is a lot on your mind

so it makes me want to shine

so when people look they might go blind

I live in the tree something like a pine

when I reach I’m reaching for the sun

and it’s the first time …

I’m not reaching for a gun.

The Road for Me

Three months I’ve been in jail in one month it changed me.
My first poem “Change” was the new me.
I’m mad it took this to help me see.
There’s better things than just being on the block doing nothing.
I understand that you many have grew up on crime and don’t know anything.
But change is easy just let it be.
The things I did was for the adrenaline rush and out of curiosity.
I’ve done what I wanted and I won’t look back twice.
I’m looking forward to a better life.
I’m telling you if you’re doing crimes that road will leave you no reward at the ending.
I’m telling you that’s the wrong road from the beginning.