Poem: “My Fault”
My Fault
Is it my fault I grew up around crud living
the block can turn you into a man now im drug dealing
My best friend mama smokin buttas should I serve her
or let my pockets stay broke because I love her
Lil sisters going crazy man they wildin out
Cuz I was in when mama died God im cryin out
Is it my fault i got a lust for material things
addicted to fast money I love pitchin to fiends
Everybody want change thats what Obama say
You gotta get it how you live dats wat my mom would say
my mind gone insane man dats what the doctor say
now go where I live and go c where the doctor stay
its a real big difference from my project building
so u could neva understand man dis project living
floor after floor its a story in these walls
the only place u can get rich go to jail then lose it all
so is it my fault that i did wat i did
lil babies havin babies raisin project kids
is it my fault i want a different type of living
yea its my fault cuz im just gettin it how im living
5 Comments
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Congratulations on having put together such a tight poem. You really succeeded in this poem in a number of ways. You managed to keep a tight a/a/b/b rhyme scheme throughout. You maintain a consistent writing style throughout. And most important, you keep the poem together thematically from beginning to end, something especially difficult with a poem of this length. It really almost sounds like a song.
If I could make any recommendations for improvement, it would be to find specific actions or incidents in your examples. For example, “Is it my fault i got a lust for material things.” This is fine, (and lust is a GREAT word) but what if you come up with specific “material things” – a pimped out jag, diamond rings, etc. Throughout the poem, finding places where you can replace the general with the specific is going to make it a stronger poem.
The subject matter is compelling and really forces the reader to look into his/her heart. The line “now go where I live and go c where the doctor stay” is particularly powerful. This is a really strong poem.
man u really made a difference wit this one this is a very strong way to express how the projects can impact a man live KEEP IT UP HOMEBOY
THIS POEM IS SO GOOD IT IS A LOT IN THIS POEM THAT I CAN UNDERSTAND…..YOU SHOULD ALSO THINK ABOUT MAKING RAPS WHILE YOU ARE AWAY BE AUSE THATS WHAT THIS ALSO SOUNDS LIK!
This is such a moving piece. Congratulations on your writing. It is truly outstanding.
Your story is very compelling and motivational. It dives deep into your life and it really speaks to me.
You cause me to look deep within myself to find out what things I need to take responsibility for. You are obviously mature in that you can take a step back to realize that some of the things in life were indeed your fault. I wish I had the maturity that you so humbly possess.
Keep writing and keep your head up because you definitely have a bright future!
hello my name is victor,im 15 years old.this poem has a strong message.the poem gave me an impression that their is a person who blames everything on him. many people have gone through this phrase in which,they blame themselves for the issues going on in life but people have to realize, everything will be oh kay.