Poems

It started with a little hole in my heart.
Running around in dirty diapers, wishing it was food instead of rats
In the house with momma, wishing the crying would stop
But she don’t know about the pain growing in my heart.

As I get older the pain get uncontrollable
Wishing I was in the center of my mother’s arms while she reads my favorite book to me
But instead she’s doing a double shift at a restaurant when she should had went to school from the start
Because she don’t know about the paining hole that’s halfway in the center of my heart

People teasin’ me because they see disbelief in my eyes
But all along it’s tearful, tired eye, waiting for the painful hole to stop growing in the center of my heart

Now I am older, so momma gave me money, food, clothes, but still no family to love
Until one day, mom quit her job and can come home and she couldn’t give me no money, food, or clothes, just a hug
All it took was a hug and the painful hole stop growing above

Life is hard
but I got to thank God
for letting me live
and all these years
and all the tears I’ve cried
I should be dead
but I’m alive
Thank You Allah

Saturday, Saturday, Saturday,
I remember when I would wake
Every Saturday and look outside
To see those cars go by.
Every Saturday I would say
“I speak no English”
To everybody that was in the house,
I remember waking up every Saturday to the smell of my mother’s food,
No lie I miss being home every
Saturday.

I am “most talented” when I am:
Being inspired,
I am “most likely to succeed” when I am:
Out of trouble and doing the right thing,
I am “best looking” when I am:
Always getting outside the house,
I am “class clown” when I am:
Under the influence of drugs,
I am “best dressed” when I am:
Going out,
I am “best dancer” when I am:
That’s a lie,
I am “most friendly” when I am:
Sober and when I’m out with people,
I like myself best when I am:
Sober.

Picture life in my shoes
What would you do?
17 years old
Dropped out of high school
Got a child
Yes! A daughter
Your daughter so precious
Baby momma askin’ questions
Wanna know all your confessions
Wanna know why her daughter’s father always got her stressin’
But life is just a lesson
A lesson untold
So even you live and you learn
Or you’ll crash and burn
Going down a one way to hell
And there’s no U-turn
You gotta feel me homie
I mean it’s only right
When da curtains close,
Fade to black
Your vision is all white
LIFE

Like a moth captured, I remain confined
While those looking in are unable to set me free
My freedom’s revoked, when I speak I choke
I try to talk, but my words simply flee
My once beautiful wings are becoming brittle
My fragile body’s becoming sore
The windows to my soul are clouded with despair
My gentle heart is now torn
I look for a helping hand in these times
No one to rescue me from my stress
Claustrophobic I am in this jar
Lack of ventilation’s causing me to lose my breath
Each day I fight to survive and conquer this tragedy
I’m slowly losing my strength
By tomorrow, I’ll be dead and gone
After years of fighting a battle I couldn’t win

Dark fields of dismay
Before my eyes lie my shattered dreams and goals
Disappointment swims within
Motionless I stand as if time has frozen
No perception of direction
Everything’s so peculiar
No illumination, no friends, or joy
This place seems so familiar
No gleeful moments to obtain
Happy days and fun are now done
Solitude I must return to
Alone I am again, with nowhere to run

In the midst of seclusion
Weary and worn out
Torn and bewildered
Permeated with self-doubt
Fearful to submit
Too strong to fold
Careless of gaining anything
Too worried I’ll lose my soul
Caged in my mind
Afraid to allow my thoughts to be free
The doors are shut tight
Trapping the boy that lives inside of me
When he cries, I cry
Because we are the same
Two souls in one body
Sharing this mutual pain

Oh how my mind seeks rest
Oh how my soul seeks a friend
My soul still goes without
Because of the situation I’m in
My situation causes pain
It causes distraction and disgrace
It even caused the ones who loved me
To disappear before my face
Some lasted for a winter
Some through a spring and fall
Some even lasted for a summer
But my situation outlasted them all
Now it’s only me and my situation
And it haunts me like a curse
Some even think my situation
Will outlast my life here on this earth
But God forbids, he won’t allow
My situation to last that long
For God made me a real man
And my situation is not that strong

Coming home to a whirlwind, and I’m trapped in the middle
Drugs, money and violence just to name a little
Scared to ask for help because I’m afraid of being denied
Thought I would find my own way, but I followed the wrong guide
With each step I took, I didn’t realize I was moving backwards
I wish my life was a movie and I was just the main actor
Instead of manning up and facing my fears
I cut all corners and made it my career
What will I do differently this time? I ask and I ask
Words aren’t nothing but letters put together–acting upon them is the real task
I figure I should tell on myself because I can never tell on anyone else
Maybe the right ears will hear this and I can find myself some help

As a man, I will accept my fate
But as a father, brother and son, I feel endless pain
People may think that because of my smile
That my conscience don’t speak to me at night out loud
And to think I thought I was untouchable
My Momma always said past things will catch up to you
There’s no excuse for my presence being missed
Daughter, I’ll do anything just to give u a kiss
I’m not much of a father, but to God I swear you are my only grace
And Momma, thank you for never wearing shame on your face
I am still blinded by day and that’s what worries me
I feel like a different person and I’m trying hard to get a grip
I once was a young man with my whole life ahead of me
I was born amongst the brave so I know I’ma be okay
Because even in danger a man like me feels safe
Sometimes I say things to God but he never reply
And it makes me wonder is it possible for God to cut all ties
I’m still here…

Sometimes I wish I was a kid again
Without a care in the world
There wasn’t no bills to pay
No mouths to feed
I didn’t care about what type of clothes I had on
There wasn’t no beefing or killing
No fed time or probation violation
Crazy
What am I supposed to learn from this
Who is gonna take care of my kids
Or should they just be some more mouths on welfare
Section 8
Somewhere in the projects to turn out just like me
Behind a fence with a whole lot of time to think.