Nothing To Do With You Parts I and II

By James

Nothing To Do With You

In our absence of each other
An abscess has been discovered
And in the vacancy of me as a father
Why should you now bother?
With a stranger whose had nothing to do with you

Your thoughts of me are disgust
Your few memories of me you distrust
Because all you see is the struggle in your Mothers eyes
Her love shielding you from all my lies

The little things which could have meant so much
Are irrelevant, don’t hold loves element, because I didn’t keep in touch

Now, out of nowhere I’ve written
As if all’s forgiven
When it’s you I’ve neglected
Now it’s me you’ve rejected
So we continue not to speak
It’s not your forgiveness
It’s your love I seek

The shame of irresponsibility was my excuse
The worthless pride of my vanity the abuse
The manipulating lust I burdened you and your mother with through the egotistical male I once was and
You feel I still am

My self depreciating values have changed
Perspective rearranged
Knowing one day you’ll comprehend
That too truly love, hate must wither, and then end

Nothing To Do With You- Part II

… And forgiveness is earned through the ability of responsibility to remedy every shameful condition
Repent in total submission
To your perspective and together create a pure directive to solve my failing human traits so you won’t generate
The loneliness of separation we share that was passed down from my sperm donor, to me
As you reflect upon this state of neglect
I pray you detect my respect
For your birth
You’re the sum of life’s worth
I’ve killed my fear and smothered my shame
Turned my back on vanity and thoughts are no longer lame
I quit drinking inconstancy
Quit getting high on instability
Quit cheating with weakness and wallowing in misery
Accepted these faults and willfully pay my due
These lessons are well earned
Because the purpose of concern
Is for you to reap the benefits from the clear-cut footprints of the mistakes that I’ve sown
So when your life’s sum is in need
You can find guidance past turmoil’s in truth of my deeds
And in toil defeat the desires and passions that wage war within your self
This is what a father shall do

So let’s create time
Where we’ll heal your heart and you’ll teach mine
I will understand who you are
And respect who you’ve become
And be blessed you’ve allowed me this view
After all
The sins of the father
Have nothing to do with you

3 Comments

  1. Ed Jones on January 4, 2013 at 11:47 AM

    Powerful stuff, James. The hip-hop (?) rhythms really work to push your argument forward. That last stanza of Part II is amazing. It really embodies the transformation you’ve undergone and the new relationship you are ready to have–with yourself and with your son (I assume). I also really like how you play with language, like “I quit drinking inconstancy / Quit getting high on instability.” Where did you learn to write like this?

  2. Sarah on January 22, 2013 at 11:15 PM

    This is a beautiful and heartbreaking poem. I want to cry just reading it– for the tragedy of the past and the hope of the future. You have clearly come such a long way from where you used to be; you are wiser, stronger, more caring, more understanding, more loving. Your son will see this one day and be incredibly proud of you. He is lucky to have a father who recognizes and learns from his mistakes, and who cares about him so much.

  3. Andre Williams on July 3, 2013 at 1:53 PM

    James, your poem is deeply moving. I like how you acknowledged that you have made mistakes that has impacted the feelings of your son. Please don’t give up on trying to gain his love and support. Contniue to grow and allow your mistakes to fuel you to become a better person.

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