Mastering the Pain

By JG

Feeling everything so deeply
Can be a gift and a curse
My happiness is true bliss
Everything just works
Suddenly, joy is replaced with pain
Clear skies fill up with rain
I try to hold on
But can’t seem to maintain
My skies darken
Turmoil sets in
Damn
Never knew the mind could be like a wilderness one could be lost in
Lost many battles
Acting on impulse
Reacting with uncontrolled emotion
Never pausing to consider a reasonable course
I’ve felt the fire countless times
Intensified by a prison cell
12 by 9
A victim stance was my position
Playing the blame game
Meanwhile, in reality
My condition remained the same
Most my lessons come the hard way
But were received nonetheless
My understanding is that much greater
I feel truly blessed
Being a thought of Allah made manifest
I consciously create
Striving every day to be the captain of this ship
The true master of my fate
The war is far from won
But my book is far from done
I have nothing to lose
But everything to gain
These first few chapters have been spent
Mastering the pain
Learning how to love
Breaking my mental chains
Rising above
This next section will be marked by liberty
I’ll be free to pursue the queen that my heart desires
She’ll be free to embrace our chemistry
Won’t need a power of attorney
I can handle my affairs myself
I can eat life giving foods
That actually replenish my health
No more limitations
Everything is possible
With discipline, persistence, patience
I overcome all obstacles

Feel My Pain

By DP

Too young to communicate what’s going through my brain
My lips move, but words, they never seem to escape
Am I f****d up?
Or am I just too young to communicate my pain?
My pops isn’t the blame!

As a child, I was just too ashamed to share my pain
I’m all grown up
Yet I still find it hard to communicate what’s on my brain
My anger is my outlet
But I am confused with not being able to show love

Surrounded by men from different parts of the world
They don’t know me
So why should I show love that can be misconceived as weakness
Trapped inside of me
Is still this little boy who is scared to communicate his pain

Ma, you are the reason I try
The reason I look myself in the mirror just to see what’s in my eyes
I’m not afraid anymore
That’s why I am sharing with the world
The reason this little boy cries

For too long now I’ve been blaming others
When I should’ve been blaming myself
Yeah I know
It’s a harsh reality
But the truth always hurts

Words communicated with truth
Has the power to heal
But words are only a form of expression
To communicate my pain
From this little boy who holds anger and pain

I must first forgive those in order to let this anger and pain die
Don’t ask me why
But this little boy trapped inside of me is now ready
Ready to communicate his pain and tell the world why
The love for my family will never die

I was too young to communicate my pain
But as a grown man
Now I am ready to communicate
What’s on my brain.

Feel my pain!!!

 

Penitentiary’s Soul

By AG

Penitentiary’s therapy
Thriller of the cage;
Or is it rage?
An emaciated man
covered in a crimson crown,
head unbowed.
Stall-fed verifier
Subsisting on other’s tears
Or is it fear?
Herculean beastly forearm.
Crisscrossed with scars;
Each slice a clash
With weakness.
IN the center of your pain.
IN the center of your fear.
Penance or punishment,
Heaven or hell
Monastery or grace?

You, alone decide.

Why Do I Hate Love?

By TS

Why do I hate Love?
Cause Love don’t have no heart.
Love don’t care about nobody,
and loves to rip you apart.
Love causes pain
Love causes stress
Love is just misery, confusion, and evil
at its best.
Why do I hate Love?
maybe cause Love hates me.
Love been treating me wrong and unkind
Since I was lil babe.
I was born in the 90s
To a mother who always say she Loves me
but her Love was neva true.
To a father I’ve neva seen before
not even once in a blue.
Why do I hate Love?
Cause Love made me look like a fool.
Use and abuse me like some worthless tool.
Love is cruel
and you’ll be the fool if you think it’s nice.
Every time I showed Love
I paid a tremendous price.
Love ain’t s***.
I’m my own witness.
Love did me wrong too many times
and will neva get my forgiveness.
Why do I hate Love?
‘Cause everybody I thought love me
turnt they back on me
especially when they put them
handcuffs and shackles on me.
Nobody will neva love me for me
they will just love me for what I got
and when all that’s gone
then they’ll just love me not.
Why do I hate Love?
Cause Love brought me to tears.
Love makes me show weak emotions
Like desperation and fear.
Love made me feel ways I’ve neva felt.
So I made a promise I’ll neva Love s***
not even myself.
If you choose to Love Love, search for Love, Chase Love
I promise I will neva judge.
But, when Love does you wrong
and it will!!!!
You can always read Why I Hate Love.
But before I go
Let me tell you why I hate Love the most
Cause it turnt me into something I wish I wasn’t
and that’s a young black man with no hope…..

Untitled (for Amy Winehouse)

By AC

You are selfish, inconsiderate, reckless.
Who gave you the right?
To darken peoples’ life-lights
And put tears in their eyes.
I guess you never did stop to think
Of the hurt that you caused in a blink.
You didn’t consider the hearts that you broke,
Or contemplate the pain that you brought
To those you said that you loved.
Or maybe that’s just what you thought.
Now there’s nothing you can say.
Literally, nothing.
It is all far too late.
Would it have been the same fate?
If you truly had known what you meant?
If only you knew
Of the smiles you drew
From all the sad faces
Just by you being you.
You should have seen it:
Everyone saw it right where they stood
How people changed from lonely and sad
To being comforted, understood.
It was so very good.
You matter! You are loved!
Don’t do it! Just stop!
Think about what will be lost
Of the people that love and surround you.
You have more blessings than most
And what you’re doing has a great cost
People really want to hear what you say
Please don’t throw it away
But alright,
You say you can’t stay? It’s okay.
Farewell, my dear friend.
I’ll see you some day.

Author’s note: I wrote this with Amy Winehouse in mind. She became famous in the UK from a very early age. She was so talented and very much loved yet she never really saw how well-received she was and people truly wanted to hear what she had to say next. She struggled to the point of being reckless with her very life. She was so reckless in fact that she ended up dying. She reminds me of how reckless I was with my own life. I was very unappreciative and that is something I can see now, as if a veil lifted. But now it’s too late, life as I knew it has completely ended and it will never be the same. After a 15-year sentence, I will be deported to El Salvador. I can literally say that my reckless actions cost me everything. But thankfully, I’m still alive.