I Don’t Need It

By LL

Content warning: self-harm

 

I don’t need it
I can make it through the day
Well, maybe… I think
And if not, I’ll just have a drink
I like wine, I’ll be fine
Pass the time, pass the blunt
Left hand to right
Cause I don’t need it
I don’t need it
Okay, maybe I do
Life is hard, a little too much
It knocks me down and I get in a rut
Unable to pull myself up cause I’m too weak
So weak in the knees and then I freeze
Once I freeze, it takes over me
I’m paralyzed, stuck and then…
No, I don’t need it
But I want it
That’s pathetic but least I’m honest
It won’t take long, I’ll be quick
It’s like a prick, okay that’s a lie
But I don’t feel the pain so it’s fine
Just one minute, might be some blood
But I won’t be flooded w/ thoughts anymore
The thoughts are bad, overpowering, mean
I scream but who hears
Tears fall cause… I don’t need it
But I want it
I want the relief, the release
To be free from the pain inside
One cut, two cut, three
Anything to come up and breathe
And then I’ll be okay, til I’m not
But til then I’ll tell myself
I don’t need it

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32 Comments

  1. Heather Daley on October 5, 2022 at 12:20 PM

    I really enjoyed reading your poem, especially because I relate to it. I know the struggles you go through too well and I am so sorry you are going through this. While I am clean, I still understand those urges and battle to cope with it. Something I have learned is to tell yourself “I will in an hour” or a certain amount of time. This makes you wait and reconsider by the time an hour rolls around. I hope this helps you and know you are not alone in this!

  2. Jaxson Pawlowski on October 7, 2022 at 9:22 AM

    I’m trying to think of the words to describe this poem…
    It’s quite breathtaking because the writing is so precise and descriptive. Plus a powerful thing to go through, thoughts of just wanting to feel, I’m very sorry.

    “I scream but who hears” hits me because there are many people who just need someone there for them. Again, I am very sorry I can only imagine the pain and isolation you felt. I hope it gets better and writing is a way to get the bad feelings out and inspire others to know they aren’t alone!

    ~JP

  3. Meghan on October 7, 2022 at 5:11 PM

    I like this poem a lot. The last stanza of the poem sticks out to me a lot. You are so tempted to give in and have a drink or smoke some pot, or cut yourself, but the real relief comes when you quit. Yes, you get temporary relief if you give in, but the real permanent relief comes from quitting. It is very good how you are aware of this concept and take all of your mental strength to quit and feel long-term relief.

  4. Abigail on October 8, 2022 at 9:06 PM

    This poem is extremely powerful and allows me to emphasize with the struggle of self harm and the compulsion. This poem clearly comes from the heart and important for readers to recognize the struggle of the author. The repetition of the title “i don’t need it” shows a continuing train of thought of the author and shows how much self harm plays on their mind. The emotions of this poem is clear and very impactful. Not many people can understand the emotions of those impacted by self harm and this insight helps people listen to those going through this.

  5. Conor Thompson on October 9, 2022 at 4:07 PM

    LL your poem has to be the best way to describe self harm, and do I mean to applaud you on that, just to come to you as a friend. A friend to let you know in the world that you are not alone with this addiction we will call it. A lot of people have to deal with this everyday and do their best to just get by. What we have to do as society for the people who don’t believe mental health is not a serious thing is that they should read your poem and really understand the pain.

  6. Emily on October 9, 2022 at 9:48 PM

    Hi there! I can really see the struggle with self harm is a theme in this poem. It is that sad truth for some people. I liked the flow and the rhythm of the poem. I enjoyed the first half with no feedback, however once I got near the end I got some idea’s on how you can improve the piece. When you say “tears fall cause… I don’t need it I want it” I feel is a real conversation between you and the reader. I would drop the cause. It feels weird placed here. I also would bold the line I want it to really hammer in that feeling of desperation. So overall the lines I mention with my suggestions would look like this. “Tears fall I don’t need it I want it “ I can’t bold on my computer but the I want it should be bolded. Great job!

  7. Olivia on October 10, 2022 at 1:49 PM

    I’m sure a lot of people, unfortunately, can relate to this poem. At first I saw it as substance abuse, later realizing it was about self harm. This is an issue that a lot of people face, and the interpretation is that you don’t need to, but you want to as you don’t feel the pain anyways. Some people just want that pain to stop so they do it as a way to feel something other than what their minds are telling them, and trying to smoke or drink to forget about it. I’m sorry for what you’re feeling or may be going through

  8. Serena on October 10, 2022 at 5:57 PM

    It takes a strong person to be vulnerable in this way and talk about such hard topics. Sadly I can relate too well with your words, and as someone who’s experienced and overcome self harm I really want to tell you that these feelings won’t last forever, no matter what situation you’re in there will be better days and you deserve to experience those days fully and truly. It doesn’t feel like it in the moment and maybe it won’t for a while, but I swear that you’ll overcome these feelings. Life is going to have ups and downs, and recovery the same. I may not know you but I’ll be thinking of you and wishing good things your way. I’m sorry you’ve felt alone with these overwhelming feelings, and I really hope that you find solace with yourself and new support systems to help you through this. As lonely as you feel, you’re not alone with these hardships, sometimes we have more in common with strangers than the people who we keep close to us. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings openly, you’re much stronger than you know.

    Wishing you all the best,
    S

  9. J on October 10, 2022 at 11:25 PM

    LL,
    Your work is so incredibly powerful and inspiring. I think you have a lot of good use of words and techniques in this poem. One suggestion I have is to repeat i’ll be fine at the end of the poem again. You did a great job with the repetition from beginning to end but I think repeating that like would make it just that much more powerful. Great job with your work and I wish you the best of luck in the future.

  10. jennie on October 16, 2022 at 3:03 PM

    I think it’s particularly meaningful that you compared self harm with other addictive substances and behaviors like alcohol and smoking. It helps to capture the idea that self-harm is indeed an addiction and not a choice, and that people cannot simply stop whenever they want.

  11. Kayley on October 16, 2022 at 4:55 PM

    I can’t help but feel a connection to this piece since it is so strong. A lot of individuals, including myself, struggle with self-harm and depression, and your poem can help those people feel understood. It’s a difficult subject to discuss, but I loved how open and honest this piece was. It may be difficult for someone who has never experienced mental illness to grasp how you stated how self-harm feels like a release of all those painful emotions. The poem is made more powerful by the placement of the title “I don’t need it” throughout the narrative, which reflects on how you’re at a constant battle with your thoughts and mind. Know that you made a difference in my life today and I have a feeling you are far more important than you realize.

  12. Mackenzie Curry on October 16, 2022 at 9:23 PM

    Hi LL,
    I feel honored I was able to read your poem and get into your head for a minute. I think even though this is a very upsetting subject, this poem represented it perfectly. I’m really sorry you have to deal with these feels. I can say I have had these feelings. I suffer from Anxiety and Depression, and a couple years ago I was extremely depressed, and I felt no hope for myself feeling those same negative thoughts you described. Our situations are obviously different so I can’t tell you I know how you feel but I can tell you It won’t always be like this. You just need to find that something or someone who helps you realizes your worth and realize you deserve a place here with no pain and no suffering. LL, I hope you find that someone or something. Goodluck.

  13. Alexis on October 23, 2022 at 6:37 PM

    LL,

    Your poem is very raw and deep and shows the true pain of your struggle with self harm. First off, this is something very hard to share with the public, even behind a screen, I give you credit for being able to share these emotions. I do not know the full history with how your self harm began or what your exact reasoning for doing it is. I can only assume it became a coping mechanism to deal with intense emotional hurt, maybe to distract yourself from the emotional hurt you feel. I want you to know you or anyone else does not deserve to have to feel a pain to that degree, and I am sorry you have. I understand how these acts can become addictive just like substances and how it can be just as hard to break these habits as substance withdrawal. You state in your poem how you don’t feel heard, but you have been heard by me and others who have read this. I am by no means saying these habits are easy to break, but one step at a time. When you feel this way, try drawing your feelings out on your skin with a marker instead. Writing these feelings out like you have in this poem is also a good substitute. I wish you a well recovery, even if you have fallbacks on the way, I believe in you. One day at a time.

  14. Julia Santosuosso on October 23, 2022 at 11:16 PM

    Your words are so powerful. I have grown up around so many people who have struggled with their mental health and I myself have too as well and as difficult as stuff like this may be to hear sometimes, it is entirely necessary and crucial that we talk about it. I hope that the use of your beautiful words in your poetry is able to help you release some of the pain that your heart holds. Some of the most beautiful art comes from our deepest of pains and I think you show proof of that here. Thank you so much for sharing your words. My best thoughts and wishes are with you.

  15. KC on October 23, 2022 at 11:16 PM

    LL,

    Thank you for your vulnerability in this poem. Your use of rhyme and repetition helps portray your yearning. I can see them images in my head. Thank you for sharing, and I know you’ll stay strong.

  16. Stace on October 24, 2022 at 3:54 PM

    Thank you for sharing this poem, LL. It was deep and it was real. It takes courage to write with such depth.

  17. Tiff on October 25, 2022 at 11:09 AM

    Wow. This just left me utterly speechless. I am so impressed by how you are able to put your words together to get across your meaning and intent. I hope you can find inner peace throughout your path and use your words as therapy, both for yourself and to help others because I truly think your voice could have a lot of impact. Keep up the great work & I bet someday we could all be listening to songs written by you!

  18. Samantha Haviland on October 25, 2022 at 7:49 PM

    Hello. Your poem is was very impactful to read. I specifically thought the line “It knocks me down and I get in a rut. Unable to pull myself up cause I’m too weak” was very important. To me, this poem reminds me of the inner turmoil that comes with addiction and self harm. The desire to stop and to be better yet struggling with doubt and the voices that tell us we can’t do it no matter how hard we try.

  19. ken on October 30, 2022 at 5:04 PM

    This poem was so good. You did such a good job with the good side bad side theme. Everyone struggles with doing something that is not the best for you and knowing that it is not right and then struggling in your head about what to do. You were able to give the readers something to read that also made you think. Keep up the good work and never stop writing!!

  20. Oshane on October 30, 2022 at 10:47 PM

    Very deep and emotional poem about pain. It is very challenging to feel depressed and in agony it can usually lead to engaging in harmful activities such as self-harm. A good way to express yourself and get the pain out is through writing and counseling. I encourage you to continue writing and use these channels as a means to get the pain out versus considering any form of harm.

  21. Amelia on October 30, 2022 at 11:13 PM

    This poem truly inspiring to me! The way you eloquently chose the words and pieced them together was very good! I like how you used imagery and real life scenes to display the emotions! Great job, you have a true talent!

  22. Lucy Elliott on November 3, 2022 at 12:51 PM

    Very powerful poem – really captures the emotion of different struggles. Thank you for your honesty and sharing this work

  23. Natalia on November 13, 2022 at 11:55 PM

    I felt everything you went through just from your poem. You described to determination to not self-harm and how it compares to the feeling that it is needed. It is a very good image of the struggles you face and so many people can relate to these same feeling as you.

  24. Ainsley on November 14, 2022 at 2:18 PM

    Hi LL,
    This poem is so intense and well-written. The vulnerability that you expressed in this poem allowed the readers to feel your emotions. Self-harm is something that many people struggle and relate with, which is why it’s so important to talk about. The way that you represent this struggle through your pain and emotions and attempted substitutions, like alcohol or weed, is very real and raw. I love the ending of the poem where you come to the realization that as much as you may want it and feel like it will help, you seem to know deep down that you don’t need it. Thank you so much for sharing your feelings with us in such a raw and beautiful way, stay strong!
    Ainsley

  25. McKenzie Gordon on November 17, 2022 at 11:55 AM

    As someone who has struggled with something similar, this is very touching. This is exactly what goes on in my head. I love that you have written something people can relate to. Keep it up!

  26. Sam on November 20, 2022 at 2:25 PM

    As someone who has never felt urges of self-harm this poem did a great job of expressing the feelings associated with it. Comparing it to the addictiveness of drugs was an effective analogy.

  27. Kristen Shave on November 21, 2022 at 10:37 AM

    The way you capture control and conflict in this poem is magnifying. I especially love the way you capture the “voice in your head” that can be hard to capture in words. This poem flows very nicely as well and pulls the reader in. You are also extremely gifted with words and choose the perfect words to create an image! Nice work!

  28. Nicholas on November 23, 2022 at 1:14 PM

    This poem captures the essence of what depression can be and what it might eventually lead to if unchecked. Unfortunately, this poem embodies the reality that depression can be. Being unhelped, unloved, and unheard are traits that will leave some to spiral in their fight against themselves. The greatest enemy to anyone’s well-being is themselves in the end. Thank you for this poem, and I hope this reaches the audience that needs to acknowledge this!

  29. Al on November 27, 2022 at 12:01 PM

    Thank you for sharing your poem! Your work is extremely powerful and inspiring. It truly sends emotions through the imagery!

  30. Pratham on November 27, 2022 at 6:26 PM

    Wow. This poem really left me speechless. You show your emotions and struggle through this poem, and I can relate to it as well. Thank you for such a powerful poem

  31. Tyler on November 28, 2022 at 12:24 PM

    I really liked your poem I know life can be hard and to have the courage to talk about it is something that a lot of people can’t do.

  32. Riley Thomas on November 28, 2022 at 4:06 PM

    I find this piece to be very creative. It was easy to understand that the poem was referring to self harm as well as other forms of substance abuse. It’s insightful to read about the struggles of addiction from someone else’s perspective and to read about how addiction can make you convince yourself that it’s not as bad as it seems when in reality it’s life threatening.

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