How I Healed with Help

By SC

My life has changed so much over this last year and a half
I have a machine “ICD” connected to my heart – I’ve entered the weak heart draft
Started out so weak, so, so very ill, so, so sick
I could hear the timer on the bomb connected to my explosive heart tick
Not being able to walk more than 10 steps at a time
Literally standing up too fast would place me really close to dying
And since dying was my rhyming word, I also did a lot of crying
I’ve never been suicidal, but this challenge almost ended me
When I gave up hope because I couldn’t make it, 3 things kept my mind free
Very important people who, through Free Minds, showed me pure love
A very strong passion and belief that my Dear Mom instilled from above
Family and a helluva team of doctors from Mayo Clinic, which in my old mind frame I’d of never began to trust
And also a part of #1, my Free Minds family that showed me while I was down, that standing behind me is an unforgettable must
Most people would think that most healing comes with meds and tools and doctors and stuff
I found that some of the best form of healing is having someone in your corner when times get rough
If my soul don’t heal when my body’s doing just fine
People see me physically on the outside, but on the inside I’m losing my damn mind
I can’t lie, recovery for me was really a kinda battle I had to face
Then when I got control of it kinda, I’m reminded that I’m at this far-away ice-cold snow place
“Minnesota”
So along with my healing came a lot of conditioning as well
My mind and body both are healing up good through my poems, I hope you can tell
Spiritually my life is in a balance that I’m yet to stand completely solid on
Things got very shaky at times and I often feel alone
But I have a reason for healing that’s much better than most
Thanks to all you guys I love ya
I’m just saying, I’m not trying to boast
See, I was broken physically, emotionally, and mentally also
There was some type of pain at every direction I chose to go
I was confused and alone I’d convinced myself that I couldn’t do this
My biggest motivation came from Free Minds letters and family sending me letters saying, “Come on SC, write more, your poems are being missed.”
I want to leave out the therapy of my little friends that came in the forms of squirrels and some awesome little birds
Not to mention the wild geese who run through the prison, not having a care for human affection in their large herds
Never in my life would I have found myself looking around to make sure no one’s watching so I can baby talk the squirrels
Then, after a while, it became therapy that was so precious to me I valued it like a pearl
Because I started to see it was survival for the both of us
Me trying to heal from my heart failure and watching the squirrels hide all its food for winter, which surely was a must
Let me say some thank you’s because I know there are many well overdue
Thank you Free Minds, thank you family, thank you Minnesota nature and Mayo Health Clinic too
There a few more thank you’s that also go out to a selected beautiful few
Don’t even trip if I didn’t call your name and you’re reading this, nine out of ten times it’s also you
I’m blessed, I feel good honestly, I’m doing just fine
I need for you to know I put the best of me, for you, in each of these lines

What helps you heal?

8 Comments

  1. Patrick on February 19, 2020 at 6:07 PM

    SC,

    Wow! This is an incredible poem. Your story of trials and tribulations is a masterful one and I am so honored that you shared it with the rest of the world. I am still unsure about what helps me heal, but I am going to have to some self reflection on this topic. Please keep writing! -Pat

  2. Ian on April 9, 2020 at 2:45 PM

    SC, this is really a great poem thank you so much for sharing. I really connected with your theme of healing. It makes me reflect on what helps me heal. I think you connected the idea that healing doesnt just happen on a physical level, but also on a spiritual one as well. I look forward to reading more of your work, keep it up!

  3. Bahareh on April 11, 2020 at 5:14 PM

    I can’t imagine what you’ve been through, but just from reading this poem, you’ve laid it out so openly, and I’m grateful to have read it. I’m so glad your mind and body is healing. Everyone has their own way of coping and reading your lines on talking to the squirrels sounds so peaceful. You’ve gone through a lot and I’m glad you decided to share it with us. Please keep on writing your story. Thank you.

  4. Kayelynn on April 13, 2020 at 4:50 PM

    Dear SC,

    Thank you for being so vulnerable in your poem! You’re laying out your struggles for readers to see and that’s never an easy thing to do. Also, it’s amazing that you took the time to thank everyone that has been pillars of strength during your hardest moments. I’m sure they’re just as thankful for you as your are for them. Please keep writing and staying strong, you’re a great writer!

  5. Jocelyn Matos on April 28, 2020 at 12:44 PM

    I wish I could teleport to your room right now just to hold you hand for 60 seconds. You are a true warrior! To answer your question, Jesus heals me, When I feel low I listen to music to enlighten my insides. Today, I have got a short glimpse of how life can really be for a long term patient. I have faith that you can improve and I am delighted to hear you words on this website. This to shall pass. You have made my student service learning hours a great experience. Keep writing! Live Laugh Love

  6. Tiona Lancaster on April 29, 2020 at 1:23 AM

    SC, this touched my heart so deeply. I could feel the truth and genuineness in every line that you wrote. Thank you for sharing and thank you for your transparency. This couldn’t have been easy to share in such grave detail, but we’re glad you did. Continue writing because the world really needs to hear what you have to say. Stay positive and stay blessed.

  7. N. B. on October 19, 2020 at 4:45 PM

    This poem is amazing. I found myself moved and emotional by the end. Thank you for sharing what seems to be one of your most vulnerable experiences. It couldn’t have been easy to go through that, nor relive it through writing. I really loved this line: “If my soul don’t heal when my body’s doing just fine / People see me physically on the outside, but on the inside I’m losing my damn mind,” and how you chronicled the way that writing, connecting to Minnesota nature (I’ve been there; how beautiful!), and gratefulness to the Mayo Clinic and Free Minds helped you heal, both mentally and physically. Finally, the way you implored readers to think about what makes them heal is something I will think on.

    Your piece is a true testament to the power of poetry and Free Minds, and you have an incredible gift for writing. Thank you so much for sharing this fantastic piece of art.

  8. JM on November 11, 2020 at 1:19 PM

    Dear SC,

    Thank you for sharing this poem. You were so genuine throughout and I could tell that you packed each line with as much detail as you possibly could. All of the things you describe–good and bad– come through so vibrantly through the detail and your enthusiasm for them. I was really struck by the resilience you demonstrated as you recount your experience with heart failure. I especially like that you talk about appreciating nature and even talking to the squirrels as a form of healing. This poem was so vibrant with your spirit of gratitude and appreciation for the many things that have helped you, and it inspired me to think about all of the many small and large things that contribute to my healing. Thanks again for sharing and I hope you keep writing.

    Best,
    JM

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