Bright Blue Skies
By DC
Bright blue skies clothe inner city lies.
There’s a quitter entangled in, “how many times I have to try.”
Curious to know your real motives,
Hands over my eyes in disbelief when I seen the real molders.
Now rumbling within like a racing car’s motor.
Standing on each other’s shoulders to look the Devil in his eyes,
but over sleeping on the morning reality no longer wants to hide.
What a time to claim you’re tied!
Bright blue skies clothe inner city lies.
If the deserts died of thirst then why do they look more alive?
I asked with pride & your answers hid the truth,
if I come from them why am I so fond of you.
I learned what you taught but never got as far as, who?
That bright blue sky that camouflaged those inner city truths…
P.S. I’m searching for brutally honest constructive criticism, I hope that isn’t too much to ask from you all. Take Care, R.I.P COVID-19
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DC, my fellow, that was a really good read. I think you’ve got symbolism and repetition down real well, and a really good read of the things you think. I enjoyed it, and my honesty is not brutal. I think the only critique I could offer is to capitalize the ‘if’ in the fourth line of the second stanza, lol. I really liked it, thank you for the read and I hope you’re doing well.
Hi DC, thanks so much for sharing this poem! I love the way it flows, and I especially like the second stanza. I like that I can feel a sense of energy that shifts as you ask questions and then exclaim “What a time to claim you’re tied!” You have talent! Keep writing!
Being brutally honest, I really loved it all. My favorite parts included the internal rhyme and the simile “Now rumbling within like a racing car’s motor”. I think that the simile greatly helped to add to the overall environment and imagery presented.
First off, I love your poem. It’s very relatable and beautiful. Nonetheless, I believe poetry is meant to speak to someone and every word counts. Try to avoid spelling errors because it can be misleading or distracting at the very least. e.g. “Hands over my eyes in disbelief when I seen the real molders.” I think you meant see not seen. Keep writing, you are SOOO talented!!!
“If the deserts died of thirst then why do they look more alive?” <——holy moly that line!!!!
Hey, DC! I know you are requesting honest and constructive criticism. Sadly, I am not expert enough to do so. And, I mean that as a strong complement. You're poetry is beautiful: Really beautiful. Like, when I read it, I felt like I was bearing witness to something magical, yet just out of reach at my level of comprehension.
"I learned what you taught but never got as far as, who?" This line, if I interpreted it correctly, is gold also.
Stay strong, friend. Keep writing and keep on keeping on.
DC,
This is a great poem, and I like the symbolism and repetition that you have used in your poem. The line that I really like is “Theres a quitter entangled in, “how many times I have to try”. This sentence really spoke to me, and I think its very true, especially in todays society. Your poem is very fun to interpret and I think you did a wonderful job with the literature part of wrting this poem. Keep up the writing.
Greetings DC. I am a student in a community-based class. I think I am going to say what the poem symbolized. I believe it was very well-rounded and mysterious, and if I am being honest, I am still trying to find out what it really means. To me, the first line tells me about the contrasting difference between nature and man, where the city is symbolic of the nature of what man built: society. To me it means that if you were an outer space alien peering down on earth, you would see the beautiful blue sky, thinking that the buildings below feature just as beautiful people, but you never would have guessed what monsters hide beneath. I believe this is why you wrote “curious to know your real motives,” because it may be that people you talk to are mysterious or often try to deceive you. I think that is also why you wrote “your answers hid the truth.” It also seems to me as if you are judging people, because themes of quitters emerge, and having your hands over your eyes for the molders to me means you are ashamed of those that did not blossom the way you wanted them to. I think of capitalism for the Devil line, where people in cities often exploit the working class, and it seems as if the higher you are stepping on other people’s shoulders, the more clearly you are able to see the Devil looking back at you. The deserts just seem to say that they look more alive as in being more truthful or more human than the people that live in the cities. My final analysis is from the final four lines. You seem to be talking to someone in your life that you were close to. My guess is that you come from “good” people and you seem to be attracted to the doings of a bad person. I believe you never got as far as this person, because you are a good person at heart. That brings us to the final line where it wraps to how the sky hides the evil of cities, the corruption that relies in it.
This was a long analysis because there was a lot to take from your poem. I enjoyed doing it. Hopefully you can compare it to what you intended it to be, and hopefully it helps you out. Peace.
DC,
This poem has a lot of symbolism and that is one of my favorite things to read. I think you have done a great job with setting this poem up and just remember to have run when you are writing. I think the more you have fun, the better your poems will get. I loved this poem, you are doing great with understanding how to use symbolism.
DC,
this is a really great poem and exhibits your skills in symbolism, repetition, and rhyming. The story you tell on relationships, motives, and lessons is beautifully done. Keep working and writing, you really have a future!