If You Only Knew

3 Comments

1. Naomi L on October 24, 2011 at 4:31 PM

   This is a really good description of the thoughts love can inspire in one. And it was partiularly effective being written in the point of the view of the person who is doubted speaking to the person who has the doubts, as it really expresses love and understanding, the person who is doubted doesn’t get angry or defensive, they understand, they admit to being shocked themselves (which by the way was a really good line), that’s the kind of love that really matters and really lasts, which is what made this poem so significant and meaningful.
   I particularly liked the line, ‘whatever it is I love it & deep down I know you do too’. Such implicit faith in their love. This was an excellent poem.

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2. Mike on October 28, 2011 at 12:10 PM

   You’ve got a really strong voice here, and a really clear sense of sound and rhythm. Your writing flows really well and has a distinct sort of spoken quality. I can hear it as I read it. I agree with the other comment that the perspective here is really great, and the steadiness and confidence expressed despite doubts or worries. There are a lot of really great lines in here. I’ve taught poetry before, and so I apologize if these comments are not helpful, but I wondered a little about what would happen if you changed the lines a little to emphasize the rhythm and the flow here, and also to add emphasis to certain words. You’d still keep the rhyme, but you’d also add some impact to the words that start and end lines. Here’s just an example of breaking the lines into shorter bits:

   I know it’s time
   you wonder if what I say is real
   It’s not manipulation
   it’s just simply how I feel

   I know in your mind you say
   “this one too good to be true”
   I shock MYSELF sometimes
   if you only knew

   Some things might take time
   but with kindness you’ll let it flow
   As the days go by and time pass,
   if it’s genuine we both will know

   I love everything about you
   it’s just something about that face of yours
   I know it’s not a dream
   but maybe an Angel in disguise

   whatever it is I love it
   & deep down I know you do too

   I don’t ever want this bond to end

   Either way, this is a really great poem with really good sound and rhythm.

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3. Olivia Hooge on January 15, 2025 at 12:55 PM

   Wow, that’s beautifully written and so heartfelt. It really captures the essence of true feelings and the hope for a lasting bond. Keep expressing yourself like this—it’s truly touching!

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