Poems

Oh how my mind seeks rest
Oh how my soul seeks a friend
My soul still goes without
Because of the situation I’m in
My situation causes pain
It causes distraction and disgrace
It even caused the ones who loved me
To disappear before my face
Some lasted for a winter
Some through a spring and fall
Some even lasted for a summer
But my situation outlasted them all
Now it’s only me and my situation
And it haunts me like a curse
Some even think my situation
Will outlast my life here on this earth
But God forbids, he won’t allow
My situation to last that long
For God made me a real man
And my situation is not that strong

Coming home to a whirlwind, and I’m trapped in the middle
Drugs, money and violence just to name a little
Scared to ask for help because I’m afraid of being denied
Thought I would find my own way, but I followed the wrong guide
With each step I took, I didn’t realize I was moving backwards
I wish my life was a movie and I was just the main actor
Instead of manning up and facing my fears
I cut all corners and made it my career
What will I do differently this time? I ask and I ask
Words aren’t nothing but letters put together–acting upon them is the real task
I figure I should tell on myself because I can never tell on anyone else
Maybe the right ears will hear this and I can find myself some help

As a man, I will accept my fate
But as a father, brother and son, I feel endless pain
People may think that because of my smile
That my conscience don’t speak to me at night out loud
And to think I thought I was untouchable
My Momma always said past things will catch up to you
There’s no excuse for my presence being missed
Daughter, I’ll do anything just to give u a kiss
I’m not much of a father, but to God I swear you are my only grace
And Momma, thank you for never wearing shame on your face
I am still blinded by day and that’s what worries me
I feel like a different person and I’m trying hard to get a grip
I once was a young man with my whole life ahead of me
I was born amongst the brave so I know I’ma be okay
Because even in danger a man like me feels safe
Sometimes I say things to God but he never reply
And it makes me wonder is it possible for God to cut all ties
I’m still here…

Sometimes I wish I was a kid again
Without a care in the world
There wasn’t no bills to pay
No mouths to feed
I didn’t care about what type of clothes I had on
There wasn’t no beefing or killing
No fed time or probation violation
Crazy
What am I supposed to learn from this
Who is gonna take care of my kids
Or should they just be some more mouths on welfare
Section 8
Somewhere in the projects to turn out just like me
Behind a fence with a whole lot of time to think.

Run little black boy
Run away, run away
But my legs wouldn’t move
I felt like my legs were glued to the pavement
My little 10 year old eyes shouldn’t have seen what I saw

I could almost taste the blood as it was punchin’ out of him
Screams and screams and screams was all I could hear
But da sound of a da gun, caused me to close my eyes

Some ask what did I see?
Well this is what I saw
It was me, the bullets were rippin’ through
But why me?

But as the bullets ripped through me
Like a creature was comin’ out of my soul
It caused me to open my eyes and there it was…
A lifeless Body
Just layin’ with his eyes open

But was he alive? Was he dead?
Why were his eyes open?
I wonder if he saw me?
Did I know this human being who was killed right in front of me?
Was God sendin’ me a message?

I guess this da reason why I can’t cry at night
Because I see the ones that are dead and not the ones that are alive
My mommy once told me

Everything happens for a reason
But for what reason was it for me to see a life taken?

So as I walked slowly to da person
I saw his eyes begin to close and words became to drift out his mouth….
“Run shorty run”
So I took off runnin’
But when I was tired of runnin’ it was dat sound again
The Gun
This time it was even louder
Almost as if it was right beside me
And there I was stuck again

To where you ask?
Right there on the pavement
Where it all started
I watched da killer take the last breath out of a human I barely knew
7 years later, a wonderful lady gave me a challenge to tell her what Danger looks
like

Well…
Danger is black
Danger is loud
Danger is life
Danger is Death
Danger is a human who would take another human from this earth
Danger is right in front of you
Just open your eyes and look.

My hood is my hood
My beef is my beef
But to be real
All I have to do is be me
Things have come and things have gone
I use to couldn’t wait to live my life
But now I can’t wait to get home
Happiness for smilin’ and pains for cryin’
But things get mixed up
F***** in the game
No one’s at fault and no ones to blame
But whats the point
Oh yeah, I know his name
When I was doin’ it, it was a game
But I look back
Now I’m a shame

Why take people lives when you can save their lives
Why beat your child when you can love ‘em
Why be something that you’re not and say something smart that can get you shot
Why smoke and make your parents catch a stroke
Why me
Why you
Stop trying to put yourself in people’s shoes that’s not for me and you
The only thing we want to do is shoot, WHY….

Old ladies see me
and hold their purses tight
little kids see me
and take off running
police see me
and harass me quick
girlfriend calls my home
with a whole bunch of BS
judges see me
and shake their head
but God looks down
as I make my bed
but when I look in the mirror
I see exactly what everyone sees

I come from ah city of gorillas who don’t care,
no matter what you do
even take ah banana’s peel and they’ll take it there…
I’m from ah cold street, where dudes carry cold heat,
and their adrenaline is pumped from the way the X creep…
My city is like no other the gorillas is one thing
But them snakes are another
I’m from ah city where the wizards play and you’ll hear shots if you turn the wrong way
I’m from the murder capitol where everybody tryna eat
and I ain’t talking about no Big Apple either
So don’t think it’s sweet…

I come from a block where the wrong words get you popped
I come from a block where young boys eager to hold down the block with the forty-glock
I come from a block where your ma is on that rock
and where homies’ bodies drop like rain
Some people can’t feel my pain
Forced to be in the game
I come from a block where you feel like you won’t make it
But listen to this
Sit back
And let the Lord take it

What do you say about the Boy who grew up on kiss and hugs
But he grow up on luck and who gives a f***
But I say how can my mom be my enemy when she’s part of the inner me
She’s the one that held you for 9 months, but tortured you for so much more
When the only happiness you see is the door
The way out that’s like the power in arm reach, but can’t have
You can’t touch it, you can’t have it
What do you say to the Boy in hell when he feels the only way out is jail?
What do you tell the Boy who’s played with like a toy
Who fights for his life but his life is never right
What do you tell him when he lives the life of the struggle and lives in the shadow of his brother fighting off my enemies
But can I beat the inner me
What do you tell him

I come from…
The dirty south where how clean your shoes are is more important than how good your grades are
I’m from…
The Black flag hanging out your back pocket
Swear your life to your gang
MIA Florida, I come from the “how much drug you can sell?”
Stunt Hard South Side
I come from…
Where the more hearts you break the cooler you are
I come from hell