Regrets
The time that I’ve wasted is my biggest regret
Spent in these places I will never forget
Just sitting and thinking about the things that I’ve done
The crying, the laughing, the hurt and the fun
Now it’s just me and my hard driven guilt
Behind a wall of emptiness I allowed to be built
I’m trapped in my body just waiting to run
Back to my youth with its laughter and fun
But the chase is over and there’s no place to hide
Everything is gone, including my pride
With reality suddenly right in my face
I’m alone, never scared, and stuck in this place
Now memories of the past flash through my head
And the pain is obvious by the tears that I shed
I ask myself why and where I went wrong
I guess I was weak when I should have been strong
Living for the money and the wings I had grown
My feelings were lost, afraid to be shown
As I look at my past it’s so easy to see
The fear that I had, afraid to be me
I’d pretend to be gangster, so fast and so cool
When actually lost like a blinded fool
I’m getting too old for this tiresome “game”
Of acting real hard with no sense of shame
It’s time that I change and get on with my life
Fulfilling my dreams for a family and wife
What my future will hold, I really don’t know
But the years that I’ve wasted are starting to show
I just live for the day when I’ll get a new start
And the dreams I still hold deep in my heart
I hope I can make it, I at least have to try
Because I’m heading toward death, and I don’t want to die.
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The poets featured here are currently incarcerated, and many of them are in federal prisons far from home. Your feedback is a valuable source of motivation and connection to the outside community. Post your comments, feedback, and encouragement in the space below the poem. Messages will be passed on directly to the author. Comments may not appear immediately on the site, as our team processes them to mail to the poets.
Hey,
I wanted to let you know that I enjoyed reading your poem. Heavy stuff—especially in that last line. You do a good job laying out your feelings, and also talking about playing roles (“I’d pretend to be a gangster.”) It makes you wonder if there’s actually a difference between the roles we play and the people we are.
Your rhymes are good and so is the awareness that comes with the poetry. I respect your ability to look at yourself the way you were and learn from mistakes. It’s a hard thing to do. I’m glad I could read and learn from what you have to say. Also, I’m wishing you luck in making the dream a reality.
Keep at it!
Tom
Poems like these make me so sad because I’ve lost friends to the game and it’s always the same story. A lack of support around them leaves them vulnerable and cold. The one day, a gang picks them up promising money, and power yes, but more importantly a weird sort of home and belonging that attracts these young men into the group.
It seems obvious from your piece that you don’t want this life anymore and the key to that is you need to find support from other, healthier sources. Many ex-gangsters find salvation in the church, but that doesn’t have to be the answer. There are support groups for men just like yourself, and it’s very like possible that assuming you make parole, you will have to attend regardless. I recommend you embrace the men you meet and bond with them over a common knowledge that there is more in life than the game, and that with dedication, you and your friends will never have to go back there. It seems obvious to give up banging when your stuck in a jail cell. It’s only once you are a free man again, and faced with restarting your life over that the easy path back to where you came from seems lucrative. It is then, early on that you must make remain strong. Thank you for your piece, and I hope my words reach you well.
– Matt
I sometimes wonder if gangster life is offense or defense. Be brave.
itz gud u kno life iz real becuz sum ppl dnt n thats sumthing ppl should kno becuz wen u get older itz responsibilities dat cum wif dat….so keep ur head up n get home 2 family n do wat chu gotta do
Wow, what a great poem. Very well written. You have talent. And all I could think when I was reading it is “this boy is becoming a man”. Because that’s what men do. They do what’s right. They stop playing youthful, stupid games. And they take personal responsibility for their actions. You have all the tools you need to succeed in a clean life. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it when you never have to look over your shoulder again.
Life will have regrets but you just got to move on.
i feel you some of these young boys dont knw how to act they be trying to act like lil gangstas they really need to grow up and look for there future
dont give up on yourself everybody makes mistakes and going to jail is one of them i really dont think you should fell so bad about yourself because deep down inside your a winner not juss a young boy who wants to inpress people and pretend too go so hard really i think you are a warm hearted person and i wish you the best
Your Poem Is Really Well Written, You Almost Made Me Cry. Keep Your Head Held HIGH And Dont Give Up. I Hope You Can Make It To And One Day That You Will Have A Wife And Kids And Be As Happy As You Could. Its Ok To Take The Worng Path And Get Lost, Everybody Find There Way, Some How. Dont Give Up On Yourself! Keep Believeing In Yourself. LIFE Is A Unfair Game With No Cut Cards. Life Is Hard. Everybody Goes Through Some Type Of Pain And Hurt.
There is a profound level of self-reflection and self-understanding in this poem, so much so that it’s astonishing. You touch upon how life in youth seems to be fun and games until the reality of adult responsibilities and tribulations sets in, which can be a difficult adjustment as well as life-altering. You have such a keen eye for writing, knowing what emotional wells to tap into to hook a reader and create a connection – a mutual understanding – between the reader, me, and the writer, you. It requires a lot of honesty, not only being honest with the reader but also being honest with yourself, and for that I applaud you. Not many people have, or are willing to have, that ability. I love the vulnerability you allow yourself to have in this poem, detailing how you wish to shed this facade of impenetrability and toughness you wore for so long because it’s not maintainable. For that I also applaud you. Amazing work, and I wish you well on your journey. Please keep writing!!
Your poem captures regret and the desire for change. It reflects on the lost time and mistakes, but also conveys a deep yearning for redemption and a new beginning. The emotional journey of self-awareness and hope for a better future is poignant and relatable. I think you did a really great job with this poem!
Very deep and meanful pieces of work, I appreciate the story and how much emotion can be felt— so surreal and moving to the mind. This writer is fabulous on a whole new scale