Shadows of Sadness

By EW

I sit back and watch people who is happy
And I try to be
But deep inside, the pain is all around me
The people I know that know me best as me
Am I okay?
Or they know what’s up with me
Sometimes my sadness is anger, depression, hopelessness,
Revenge and downheartedness
But I don’t show it except when I am mad
I lost my dad when I was 11 years old
I lost my right-hand man when I was 15
I lost my aunt when I was 16
These years my mother was my provider
Until she couldn’t provide for me
So I had to go get it myself
So that made it even harder for me
‘Cause I got to watch over my head every 10 seconds
And all my friends had more stuff than me and looked good for school
All the parties, they asked me did I want to go
But I didn’t have nothing nice to wear
Their mothers bought them games like PS2 and Xbox2
And I still had a PS1
I always had to wait until after Christmas when everything gets cheap
So my mother can get if for me
She lost her job and had to pay for it off the first of the month check
So I started getting money myself
And when my brother had money
He didn’t give me nothing
Or my sisters—only some of them
They had lots of clothes and I had a few
So I was mad that I had to go and get it with my friends
That was going through the same thing
Then I started to get in fights and I started to get locked up
Now I am 17 and in DC Jail
But my sadness and depression is still there
But now I know if I hide it
Later on in life I am going to go crazy
And if I show it
People will get to me even if I don’t let them
So it’s in the shadows
Until I need to show them