Poem: “My Society’s Problem”
My Society’s Problem
We deal with issues that include “hateration”
It will continue to affect us for more generations
People don’t realize they have learned how to hate
It’s so deep being blocked by anger and fate
Friends pretend that they are loving the great life
But the truth of the situation is simply struggle and strife
Just like me, we have too much pride
But some don’t have a struggling mom by their side
You need to realize struggle is the way of life
You see someone doing better
You rob him with no hesitation in sight
You see hustlers with a quick solution
So you start selling drugs to handle problems that’s polluting
Selling drugs gets you everything you need
But you’ll always be incarcerated
Believe that indeed
People don’t care who gets hurt
As long as they getting paid by selling their work
Most don’t have time to worry about police or dying
Feeling like they already dying while they leave their parents left crying
I have pride in my culture
I know my heritage
I’m not worthless and I am conditioned to feel the advantage
The projects are designed for those to fail
We don’t see the experiment
But as young black males, we live and die by consequence
Men lose their confidence and are afraid to admit fear
Deep inside they admit it with a little inside tear
You see, hate is a very strong word to a young man like me
But if you don’t resolve the problem
The consequence will last eternity
8 Comments
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Philosophically and conceptually, this is a big poem. It’s really taking on a lot of themes, like the poem itself is trying to carry society’s problems. Bravo to the author for taking on such a difficult theme.
I feel like there’s a lot of room to grow this poem, and I think it’s worth growing. Rythmically, the poem shifts back and forth between AA/BB rhyme scheme, ABAB rhyme scheme, and blank verse (no rhyme scheme). While you can vary the rhyme scheme internally a little bit to give the poem nice ryththm, switching to no rhyme is a little jarring. Also, look for ways to include internal rhymes within a line, or rhyming that does not hinge on the last word of each line.
Also, it’s important in a poem like this, which is really big, to be grounded in specifics, in real concrete details. For example, “You see someone doing better…” can be grounded in specific details… a BMW, a new suit, money in his pocket, etc. What about the projects? What are they like? Cracking plaster, unswept, bad lighting in the halls, etc. Finding those real-life details to weave into the conceptual theme will really help to make this poem jump to life.
All-in-all, the foundations of a really good poem. I felt when reading it like the author had something important to say, that it was important to listen, that I could learn something. I don’t get that from every poem I read. Looking forward to reading more and/or seeing revisions to this poem.
-Shannon
honestly for me I personally think that this one particular article is like the way every young guy from the ghetto should feel because it s real and it was nothing sugar coated in it.So thumbs up to the author.
I agree with the other commentator that more concrete images could really enhance the power of this poem. That said, there is a lot of interesting social commentary in this poem. In particular, the lines “you see someone doing better, you rob him with no hesitation in sight,” and “you see hustlers with a quick solution, so you start selling drugs to handle problems that’s polluting.” It’s an interesting theme, how our experiences in life can sometimes warp our sense of justice. The author hints that things like one’s heritage and culture, and admitting fear, can help us stay grounded, and I would really like to see this fleshed out more. I think this author is very perceptive and I look forward to reading more of his poems!
I really wish I could hear you read this outloud. I get the impression that it’s really strong when it’s spoken. It’s still really strong in print form, but I had a bit of trouble trying to catch the rhythm in my head. But honestly, I think that’s more my problem than the poem.
I like that the line breaks aren’t even. You have a very strong sense of how line breaks emphasize thoughts. “I have pride in my culture.” Beat. “I know my heritage.” I think the sentiment comes through really strongly with that breakdown – a kind of dead stare, “Of *course*, I know, but that doesn’t change anything in the day to day.” Or at least, that’s how I imagine it.
This is a great poem, really sound driven and full of social commentary. After reading the poem a few times, I’m stuck on this line: “But you’ll always be incarcerated” It seems to be the heart of the poem and its commentary, but by the end of the poem, the speaker seems to have an idea for resolution. I’m wondering if we could get more of the speaker’s personal experience and ideas to better inform the problem/ resolution. The problem with society for this speaker is that feeling of always of being incarcerated. It’s an evocative idea — emotionally compelling and metaphorically thought provoking. Apart from the obvious incarceration, I’m wondering in what other ways the speaker feels confined. What about society creates those confinements? What are the physical elements of imprisonment? Is the neighborhood like a prison facility? Who would be the guard? What are the mental elements of imprisonment? How the speaker find freedom? That question ties into the end statement — the problem being resolved, the consequences. How is this problem solved?
this poem s very real. i loved how you kept it real through out the whole poem, that great. you show you have learned from your mistakes. keep striving and keep hoping. everything happens for a reason and god is next to you. there’s more to life than just drugs. there’s better opportunities and you know this. keep writing and inspiring people you’re great and you’re being heard!
Nice??
Thank you for your vulnerability in this poem! Hatred runs rampant in our society because we don’t take the time to understand one another. Activities driven by greed in pursuit of instant gratification leave us empty handed in the end. I challenge you to keep searching for what matters. Keep writing and encouraging others to address the problems in our society!
KC