Poem: “Redemption”
Redemption
Redemption
is a lot on your mind
so it makes me want to shine
so when people look they might go blind
I live in the tree something like a pine
when I reach I’m reaching for the sun
and it’s the first time …
I’m not reaching for a gun.
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Dear Free Minds Poet,
I love your poem! It is beautiful and complex, yet expressed so simply and with such a perfect parallel structure that it shines and blinds just the way you do.
Great poem! I especially like poems that force me to analyze the deeper analogies and meanings behind the words. For instance, “I live in the tree something like a pine” caught my attention as I read it multiple times. I love the analogy of a tree – which is symbolic for life and growth, and that you are in this tree of life and growth and perhaps “something like a pine” is symbolic for the rough edges of your life or that pine trees are always visible and full of life all year round – no matter the weather. I found the below passage about pine trees which seems to fit this analogy perfectly:
“When other trees shed their leaves and grow barren during the cold winter months, pine trees and other evergreens stay lush and green, making them a potent symbol of the persistence of life. Control over water loss explains why pine trees stay green.”
Thus, in your redemption you have remained in control and will continue to thrive! All I can say is continue to reach for the sky and seek the sun for strength as you redeem yourself in this thorny tree called life!!!
I love the imagery you create in this poem! An image of darkness, a gun, verses an image of hope, the sun. I hope you continue to reach for the light even when the darkness feels all-consuming. You are strong and capable. Keep writing; we hear you!
KC
Wow KC this is a great poem! I love your use of words and I could really feel the emotion in the last line. Keep up the good work!
Really great poem! Though simple, it is powerful and really demonstrates your growth and progression, both of which are really important things. The last line hit especially hard, saying you were reaching for the sun and for the first time, you were not reaching for a gun. The positivity that the sun represents is a stark contrast to a gun, and the fact that your perspective has shifted is an incredibly important thing. Keep up the amazing work!
I think we don’t put enough stress on the fact that nature and stillness can give so much peace of mind. We are so surrounded by stressor and society that sometimes getting away and getting to a higher place of mind is the best thing you can do for yourself and REDEEM your actions. I do think that redemption is powerful and sometimes bright and warm like the sun and you can become your own sun. I think this is an interesting take.
I really enjoy the connection between the sun and redemption. Similar to how trees reach for the nigh untouchable sun, so do humans reach for our own redemption. Even in times where remption may seem far and nearly impossible to grasp, it is still something we all strive for in our own way as the result will be more beautiful than we can possibly imagine.
The imagery is amazing! I love the relationship between the tree and the gun. Despite it being short, it does a wonderful job of expressing your message.
I love how this short poem has such a large meaning behind it. The last two lines were really powerful and were a great way to wrap up the poem to summarize what redemption looks like specifically to you. My only suggestion is to not worry so much about rhyming in the first 4 lines. If the idea of rhyming is important to you, maybe make it more even so it’s not 4 lines with one rhyme and 2 with another so that it flows a little better. I really enjoyed reading this poem and I think you conveyed your message really well!
I really enjoyed the sense of imagery that you demonstrated in this poem. You were able to depict such strong feelings and images in my head as I read this! You clearly have a gift to write.
For one, I love the rhyming scheme. The 2 lines that caught my attention were when you mention reaching for the sun, and not a gun. So powerful and inspiring for many I imagine!
The short poem paired with rhyming is what caught my eye! I think redemption is such a powerful motivator to want to change your life! I hope you get that chance one day! Good luck and best wishes! JP
I enjoyed your poem it was very good! I like how you said redemption makes you want to shine. Redeeming yourself is a self love journey and it’s great that you have found that. Relating redemption to the sun instead of a gun is such a strong line in your poem and I really liked that part.
This poem is captivating for the reader. The rhyme throughout helps the reader bounce along. What I love is how you are talking about redemption, something that people strive for in their life. Another thing that is beautiful is the imagery you are able to paint for us. I can see you striving for better to only be surrounded by so much light, you keep reaching for more and more of the better choice. That making the better choice is bringing you more and more peace. Redemption is more than possible in life, keep pushing to find your inner peace!
I agree with your first lines – redemption can be such an overpowering feeling, especially after doing something wrong. I love line 4 where you imply how bright you will shine after redemption. However, lines 7-8 are definitely the most powerful lines of the poem.
I think this poem was beautiful. I love the imagery of living in the trees and reaching for the sun. I’m also glad to know you’ve found your redemption and have put your bad past behind you for good. I hope you continue on this path, and leave all the bad in the past. Best Wishes!