Poem: “My Son”
My Son
-Dedicated to my son who is 1-
Deshawn is like the sun in the sky
He brightens my day with a blink of his eye
Deshawn is like the brightest star
He shines a lot, you can see him from afar
I love Deshawn and he loves me too
When I go home he’ll make me new.
8 Comments
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I’m praying for the day this happens for you. Thanks for the beautiful image and words.
Beautiful poem! He is your guiding star!
I think one of the goals of a poem should be to have the greatest impact with the fewest number of words. In a poem, each word should have mass. Each word must be carefully selected to greatest amount of meaning. This poem takes that philosophy to heart.
The last line is the greatest strength of this brief poem: “When I go home he’ll make me new.” Simple, honest, powerful. The words carry weight, they allow for the author, and consequently the reader, to experience transformation.
If the last line is the most powerful, then how could the rest of the poem be improved to carry this gravity? I would suggest eliminating the cliches – brightening my day like the sun in the sky – in favor of real, concrete details about Deshawn and the powerful feelings of the author. I personally am not a fan of an A, A, B, B rhyme scheme like this – it feels sing-song like to me – but that is often a matter of personal preference.
I have to say when I read this poem, I was surprised. It seemed carefree and sing-song like to me at first, and then the last line hit me like a sledgehammer in the chest. Keep digging for and focusing on expressing the simple, powerful honesty that’s evident in the last line.
I respect the fact you used you son for inspiration.
Parenthood is certainly a momentous change in one’s life. It makes sense that the experience would cause you to grow into a “new man.” What is it about being a parent that makes you, either intentionally or unintentionally, change into a “new” person? I encourage you to explore this theme further in your next poem!
I HOPE U SEE UR SON AGAIN IM PRAYIN FOR U HOMIE
Praying for you! Beautiful poem and loved how your son is your inspiration and the one that gives you hope. Parenthood is so precious, cherish it forever once you’re reunited!
Thank you for your vulnerability in this poem! Children can be the best things in our lives. They challenge us to be the best version of ourselves. You are so blessed to have this light in your life, and I pray that you will be reunited with him soon. Keep writing!
KC